Have you ever been in a conversation where it was really evident that the person or people you were talking to are just not listening?
I learned something really valuable some time ago about effective communication and trust which has given me good perspective in so many instances where I was talking to someone / a team and it was clearly evident that while they were in the conversation, they really weren't "IN" the conversation.
What I learned was that for effective communication to take place, i.e. for someone to truly listen and taking your words to heart, three things have to be in place; trust, respect and benefit.
If any of these things are lacking the conversation is of no value.
Trust means that everyone involved in the conversation knows that they are valued as people and are in a safe environment to engage without any pretence and fear of rejection.
Respect means that everyone involved knows that their contribution is valued and they value the contribution of the person speaking and there is a mutual understanding of roles, past experiences and responsibilities and any other outside factors which might be relevant.
Benefit means that the conversation has a personal benefit to those engaged, i.e. they will get something out of it, be it learning something or just being more informed.
Having this awareness has enabled me to save so much time by detecting unproductive conversations early. As a leader it has also enabled me to detect a break in trust in teams or people in the organisation in order to get involved and restore trust.
A special thanks and credit to Paul Donders from xPand International as well as Dr. Cobus Pienaar from Arbinger South Africa.
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