One of the topics we covered was around conflict and trust which provided a really good perspective of how easily trust is broken, and also how hard it is to rebuild and regain that trust. While I thought this was only true for superficial relationships I subsequently experienced that this was the case even in some of the strongest and longest lasting relationships between two people, teams and organisations.
Before going into the some of the various reasons why trust get's broken or destroyed (to follow in future posts), I found it very useful to have an understanding of the the process which takes place when trust is broken, and also when it's being built back up. The presenter at the conference compared the process of trust being broken to a landslide and the process of rebuilding trust to mountaineering.
The landslide (trust being broken)
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| Landslides in Japan after earthquake Hokkaido in Sep'18 |
If we look at the characteristics of a landslide, the following stands out:
- It happens suddenly and escalates rapidly
- Almost nothing can stop it
- It devastates and usually results in massive collateral damage
Now let's compare this to a situation which results in a breach of trust between two people, something as simple as a misunderstanding between two colleagues.
Jim and Peter have been colleagues for 10 years and are middle managers in a large construction business. Having progressed through the ranks after starting as apprentices, they have built a strong professional relationship, often helping each other out. A senior management position had opened up and both Jim and Peter had aspirations to apply for the position, something which they openly shared with each other. One day, while sitting around a boardroom table waiting for their colleagues to arrive, Jim mentions to Peter that he heard via the grapevine that HR was looking for a person with prior financial management experience. As he finished the sentence the rest of the team arrived and the meeting started. Pause the scene....
This is what happened in Peter's head, as the meeting started. He knew that Jim had completed a finance management course 8 years prior, even though he did not have any more practical experience than Peter had in this field. And so the landslide started...
While this seems like there are a lot of steps in this process, in reality, the emotional journey takes place in less than a minute.
I kept the last two blocks open on purpose, as you would agree that this could now go a couple of ways. Peter could go speak to Jim after the meeting, understand his real motivation for the comment and all is forgiven; Or Jim could be promoted which will make Peter jealous and drive him to have strong negative feelings towards Jim and then leave the company altogether.
Understanding this process and how quickly this happens has really been valuable to me in situations where I realise that something was misinterpreted or even where a real conflict has taken place for some reason.
The presenter posed a question to the forum during the session which I will never forget, he asked us at which stage did we think should we intervene as managers or leaders? The answer was, as soon as you can see that there is a problem. The challenge is that once it is evident to people outside of the situation, it's usually too late, the landslide has already started.
Have you seen this play out in your business? What about your personal life? I would love to hear comments to hear if this is helpful.
Next post on mountaineering.
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