Landslides and mountaineering (continued...)

Continuing on the this topic of "landslides and mountaineering" I'm going to now cover the process of rebuilding trust, the "mountaineering" part as the facilitator called it at the executive leadership conference I attended some years ago.

I can't but help when I look at this picture to think of Everest, the ultimate mountaineering challenge where so many have perished trying to get to the summit.  It's definitely not for the fainthearted and having an absolute admiration for anyone who commits to these types of extreme sports challenges,  I see it as a very appropriate metaphor for the process of rebuilding trust in a broken relationships, especially if the relationship was of a very personal nature.

Looking at this more closely we can draw the following conclusions which is evident in the process of rebuilding trust.  I remember the facilitator pointing out that this process takes LOTS of energy and time, just like mountaineering.

Personal sacrifice and preparation
It takes personal sacrifice and preparation to start this process, especially if for the person who is willing to start the conversation.  That means, they have to swallow their pride and approach the situation from the viewpoint that they could've have made a mistake.  The approach I follow to make this easier is to try and think of the other person from an objective point of view.  Recalling previous non-conflict situations we were engaged in, I ask myself if I think they are a malicious person by nature, if they were really intentional in trying to hurt or harm me?  If I struggle with this I find that it is always good to get an outside perspective from someone who is not familiar with the situation but does know the person.

More sacrifice
Once they've done the mental preparation on how to approach this, the next step is to engage the other person with an attitude of giving and understanding.   In the example of Jim and Peter in the previous post, Peter would've approached Jim in the following way: "Hey Jim, I realise that I could've misinterpreted a comment you made to me when we were applying for the senior role.  Would you mind if we have a quick chat about it, just to put my own thoughts at ease?"

Belay
This almost seems too much, doesn't it?  Well, I can guarantee that if this is the approach which Peter took in this situation,  it would've not only resulted in rebuilding trust, but also would've strengthened the relationships by providing a belay (anchoring a rope to a cleat or anchor point in mountaineering) for any future conflicts which could arise.   Jim will now realise that Peter is not just a work friend but also someone which he could rely on and trust as a right-hand man in his future senior role.

Mapping out this trust building process on a graph could look something like this.  The timescale, as you would probably agree, could sometimes be years!

Now take this into the the context of organisations and think of the effect that the time spent on these seemingly insignificant personal conflicts could have on the performance of that organisation.   Now it's easy to deal with this once you have identified the conflict, however, how many of these conflicts goes completely unnoticed in large organisations, and only surfaces once it's too late?

One of the best works which I've read on a very similar theme and something which has had a profound impact on my life is Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Institute.